1. sentence one. strength:It states directly what the document is about and why it was written. Weakeness:It would have been better if the document opened with a greeting.
sentence two: strength: The writer shows that he wants to help the customer in a time efficient manner. Weakness: The writer makes it sound like the sender has a problem that is a hassle to the company.
sentence three: strength: There are not really any strengths, it is a rude sentence. weakness: He once again points out to the customer that it is a great hassle and inconvience for the company to help the customer.
sentence four: strength:He shows a strength of the customer saying that the customer said what the problem was. weakness: he directly and rudely tells the customer he was not specific enough with his details concerning the problem.
sentence five: strength: he gives the customer the proper instructions on how to submit a problem. weakness: He makes is sound like the customer is incapable of doing it right with out explicit instructions.
Revised:
Hello,
This is a response to your email concerning technical support on your cable internet service. We want to serve you in the best way possible and be able to address any concerns you have. We know your time is valuable and so we try to do this in a time conscious manner. If you could resubmit your request and tell us what time of day the problems occur along with completing the feilds that give information on your computer we cna fix the specific problem in a short amount of time. Thank you for contacting us, we love helping our customers and hearing from them.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
BusCom_Question 9 Chap. 7
A. The first flaw I see is that Mr. Atlas did not use the you attitude. He never really states the benefit the reader will gain from helping him. Also, Mr. Atlas seems to be quite demanding and continually refers to what he wants and what will benefit him. I also noticed that he did not end the letter with any sort of good will. He neglected using thankyou, I appreciate your work, or any polite phrase to close the letter. Finally, what he did write at the closing of the letter, about how he discovered the advertisement is placed awkwardly. I think it the letter would have flowed much better if he had put the information concerning where he found the advertisment and the introduction of the letter.
B.
1. My wife and I, along with our two teenage children would like to go on a vacation in late septemeber. I was wondering if you could give me any information on resorts with beach and golf course access that are near large cities with public transportation and night entertainment. Also, are there concerts and fun things for my children to do at off season rates? Finally, I was wondering if you could send me information about the weather that time of year. Thank you for your time, any help is greatly appreciated!
2.The explanation needed to justify request: I saw your advertisement about Florida resorts in the Smithsonion April 2009. It was very insightful and knowledgeable and I believe you would be a great person to adress my questions to about resorts. I am looking forward to enjoying florida! (You are justified because you will be spending your money in the state)
3.Personaly, I would not make a list. I think it sounds rather demanding and pushy since you are asking for a favor.
4.Specific action: I would really appreciate if you could send me information on these inquiries.
5. If you could send me the information as soon as possible it would be greatly appreciated as I need to plan dates to take off from work.
Revised letter:
5493 Beechwood Drive
Trenton, N.J. 08680
April 12, 2009
Florida Resort Bureau
1555 Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard
West Palm Beach, FL 33401
Dear Sir:
I saw your advertisement about Florida resorts in the Smithsonion April 2009. It was very insightful and knowledgeable and I believe you would be a great person to adress my questions to about resorts.
My wife and I, along with our two teenage children would like to go on a vacation in late septemeber. Any information you have on resorts with beach and golf course access that are near large cities with public transportation and have night entertainment would be greatly appreciated. Also, are there concerts and fun things for my children to do at off season rates? Finally, I was wondering if you could send me information about the weather that time of year. Thank you for your time, I am looking forward to spending vacationing in Florida.
Sincerly,
Frank C. Atlas
B.
1. My wife and I, along with our two teenage children would like to go on a vacation in late septemeber. I was wondering if you could give me any information on resorts with beach and golf course access that are near large cities with public transportation and night entertainment. Also, are there concerts and fun things for my children to do at off season rates? Finally, I was wondering if you could send me information about the weather that time of year. Thank you for your time, any help is greatly appreciated!
2.The explanation needed to justify request: I saw your advertisement about Florida resorts in the Smithsonion April 2009. It was very insightful and knowledgeable and I believe you would be a great person to adress my questions to about resorts. I am looking forward to enjoying florida! (You are justified because you will be spending your money in the state)
3.Personaly, I would not make a list. I think it sounds rather demanding and pushy since you are asking for a favor.
4.Specific action: I would really appreciate if you could send me information on these inquiries.
5. If you could send me the information as soon as possible it would be greatly appreciated as I need to plan dates to take off from work.
Revised letter:
5493 Beechwood Drive
Trenton, N.J. 08680
April 12, 2009
Florida Resort Bureau
1555 Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard
West Palm Beach, FL 33401
Dear Sir:
I saw your advertisement about Florida resorts in the Smithsonion April 2009. It was very insightful and knowledgeable and I believe you would be a great person to adress my questions to about resorts.
My wife and I, along with our two teenage children would like to go on a vacation in late septemeber. Any information you have on resorts with beach and golf course access that are near large cities with public transportation and have night entertainment would be greatly appreciated. Also, are there concerts and fun things for my children to do at off season rates? Finally, I was wondering if you could send me information about the weather that time of year. Thank you for your time, I am looking forward to spending vacationing in Florida.
Sincerly,
Frank C. Atlas
BusComm-question 9 chapter 7
A. The first flaw I see is that Mr. Atlas did not use the you attitude. He never really states the benefit the reader will gain from helping him. Also, Mr. Atlas seems to be quite demanding and continually refers to what he wants and what will benefit him. I also noticed that he did not end the letter with any sort of good will. He neglected using thankyou, I appreciate your work, or any polite phrase to close the letter. Finally, what he did write at the closing of the letter, about how he discovered the advertisement is placed awkwardly. I think it the letter would have flowed much better if he had put the information concerning where he found the advertisment and the introduction of the letter.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Netiquette
1. An email must always contain a subject line. Subject lines should be never be wordy. Yet, they need to be detailed enough for the recipient to understand the purpose of the message. The subject line should be be precise, to the point and informative. It should grab the readers attention. Be aware of the amount of text allowed in the subject line. Most computers allow 40-60 characters. Long subject lines can be annoying for the recipent. Always avoid being obscure, if the recipient does not recognize the email adress and the headline is obscure they may not even open the email.
2. Never devulge incriminating or sensitive informaiton in an email. One way to help prevent this is to not enter in the recipients email adress until you have proof read the email and are sure it is ready to be sent. If you put sensative information in an email in a rush of emotion thinking you will delete it before the email is sent and then accidently push the send button you could put yourself, others and your company in jepardy. Also, remind yourself that emails can be recovered after being deleted and can be used in court cases. They can be forwarded anywhere in the world to anyone.
3.Let the sender know you recieved the message. Otherwise, the sender may think that the email was never recieved or was sent to your spam inbox. Secondly, respond with in 24 hours of recieving the email. You do not want to appear rude and as though you do not care about the sender. However, make sure you read the entire email before your respond. Do not feel as though you need to respond with in a minute of recieving the email and thus skim the email. This could cause you to over look important details necesary for your response.
-Information was gathered from http://email.about.com
2. Never devulge incriminating or sensitive informaiton in an email. One way to help prevent this is to not enter in the recipients email adress until you have proof read the email and are sure it is ready to be sent. If you put sensative information in an email in a rush of emotion thinking you will delete it before the email is sent and then accidently push the send button you could put yourself, others and your company in jepardy. Also, remind yourself that emails can be recovered after being deleted and can be used in court cases. They can be forwarded anywhere in the world to anyone.
3.Let the sender know you recieved the message. Otherwise, the sender may think that the email was never recieved or was sent to your spam inbox. Secondly, respond with in 24 hours of recieving the email. You do not want to appear rude and as though you do not care about the sender. However, make sure you read the entire email before your respond. Do not feel as though you need to respond with in a minute of recieving the email and thus skim the email. This could cause you to over look important details necesary for your response.
-Information was gathered from http://email.about.com
in class-Email Edit
To: sarah@work.net
From: bill@work.net
CC: jim@work.net
Subject line: Information on funding for training trip
Dear Sarah:
This is Bill Doe. I would like to go on a training trip but need assistance with funding for the trip. I was wondering If you knew who I should ask to help with funding? If you know anyone I would really appreciate your help. Thankyou.
Sincerly,
Bill
From: bill@work.net
CC: jim@work.net
Subject line: Information on funding for training trip
Dear Sarah:
This is Bill Doe. I would like to go on a training trip but need assistance with funding for the trip. I was wondering If you knew who I should ask to help with funding? If you know anyone I would really appreciate your help. Thankyou.
Sincerly,
Bill
Thursday, February 4, 2010
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