BusCom_Question 9 Chap. 7

A. The first flaw I see is that Mr. Atlas did not use the you attitude. He never really states the benefit the reader will gain from helping him. Also, Mr. Atlas seems to be quite demanding and continually refers to what he wants and what will benefit him. I also noticed that he did not end the letter with any sort of good will. He neglected using thankyou, I appreciate your work, or any polite phrase to close the letter. Finally, what he did write at the closing of the letter, about how he discovered the advertisement is placed awkwardly. I think it the letter would have flowed much better if he had put the information concerning where he found the advertisment and the introduction of the letter.

B.
1. My wife and I, along with our two teenage children would like to go on a vacation in late septemeber. I was wondering if you could give me any information on resorts with beach and golf course access that are near large cities with public transportation and night entertainment. Also, are there concerts and fun things for my children to do at off season rates? Finally, I was wondering if you could send me information about the weather that time of year. Thank you for your time, any help is greatly appreciated!

2.The explanation needed to justify request: I saw your advertisement about Florida resorts in the Smithsonion April 2009. It was very insightful and knowledgeable and I believe you would be a great person to adress my questions to about resorts. I am looking forward to enjoying florida! (You are justified because you will be spending your money in the state)

3.Personaly, I would not make a list. I think it sounds rather demanding and pushy since you are asking for a favor.

4.Specific action: I would really appreciate if you could send me information on these inquiries.

5. If you could send me the information as soon as possible it would be greatly appreciated as I need to plan dates to take off from work.

Revised letter:

5493 Beechwood Drive
Trenton, N.J. 08680
April 12, 2009

Florida Resort Bureau
1555 Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard
West Palm Beach, FL 33401

Dear Sir:
I saw your advertisement about Florida resorts in the Smithsonion April 2009. It was very insightful and knowledgeable and I believe you would be a great person to adress my questions to about resorts.

My wife and I, along with our two teenage children would like to go on a vacation in late septemeber. Any information you have on resorts with beach and golf course access that are near large cities with public transportation and have night entertainment would be greatly appreciated. Also, are there concerts and fun things for my children to do at off season rates? Finally, I was wondering if you could send me information about the weather that time of year. Thank you for your time, I am looking forward to spending vacationing in Florida.

Sincerly,

Frank C. Atlas